Confidence is Power

It is quite the strange dynamic between men and women and the unspoken power dynamic that never really goes away... I consider myself a powerful person but I want my partner to be equally strong so that there is enough give and take. It seems so simple but it's a lot to ask on my quest for greatness.

On a recent date I was talking about stereotypes of different types of artists and he says yeah when a person calls themselves an artist I find it really pretentious. Yes - I'll admit it - I've said that about myself and I'll say it again - ok so I'm confident in my abilities and creative potential - is there something so wrong with that? His argument was that everyone with half a brain is interested in creative endeavors and it should go with out saying that we are artistic humans at our core. I guess I could see his point but it erked me.

So what does this have to do with staying in the ME time? well - I stayed confident in myself when it's obvious that the person I'm with feels bad about themselves and it made him a little uncomfortable that I was making bold statements. I cannot be responsible for the way he feels about himself but I can stick to my guns and say bye to him at the end of the night and then instead of going home - I turned around and went back into the club to keep dancing the night away with friends.

You have to grab the joy and the good moments when they come and let the rest slip away...

I'll trade ya -

Oh Rita! I'm so happy you're finding your escape in some messy mud/clay and discovering the silly walls that we set up around ourselves (the ones that need to be torn down). I haven't been indulging in my art/yoga time lately and I need to get back in that swing... it has an effect on me if I stay away for too long!

But in my fun little social experiment of internet dating - I think I had my most successful one yet. Not because of the sparks and fireworks that bounced off the stars but because it was simply a nice hour spent. We had a trade, I bought him a cup of fancy coffee and he fixed the tire on my bicycle. He owns a bike shop and is super savvy with that stuff and didn't mind helping me out... felt like a nice exchange for me. I don't know if I'll see him again or not. Honestly the fact that he hasn't followed up with a email/call/text makes me like him more than I would have otherwise - is that sick?

There's such a power game you play when you date guys - you want to feel like your feelings can dictate the direction of things to a certain degree. I don't want to fall into a situation where I'm with someone just b/c he's super into me but I haven't had time to process the way I feel about him. Does this make sense? It's like I want to be pursued just as much as I am pursuing... in search of the perfect amount of balance where we like each other the same amount. At the least he deserves a second shot - who knows how I'll feel then.

Onward and upward to the next social experiment!

Getting Dirty

I've been sick since Sunday: run down, fever, stuffy, achy, and a constant headache. Pretty picture, right? I woke myself up moaning for the past two nights. Today I decided it was time to fight it; mind over matter, literally. I went to make pottery after work. Nothing to heal the heart, mind, and body better than indulging in a little mud madness. The concept of control in a time of chaos of my physical state, my mind, and my work life, inspired me. I believed I could make two big bowls. And I did.

I broke through my plateau. I've been frustrated lately in art class. This disturbs me because it is my place of escape and yet has been another stress. I kept feeling like I was doing the right things yet not reaching results; that I couldn't find the time I so needed to practice. Today, my perspective changed. I quit blaming the clay and my schedule and suddenly understood it was me that was at fault: my hands, my mind. After all, what more was the shape of the clay than an extension of myself? I visualized the shapes I was aiming to achieve and suddenly, I produced.

I forget about being sick, being overworked, being single and just felt the thrill of accomplishment. What a sweet relief. Now I will scrape the three inches of clay out of my hair and off my glasses and sleep easy knowing that tomorrow is a new day with plenty of opportunities for perspective and for fun. Good life lesson here: focus on what I can accomplish and realize that my biggest obstacle is often myself.

Knowing that, I hope to improve.

A little rejection goes a long way

I lost focus in the scarce hours remaining from my demanding job and my exploration of a potential new relationship. The me time... remembering what is important to me and pursuing it... got complicated. I transformed it into forcing something not right for me into something I really wanted. Thank goodness for rejection. Remember the "I am not a prostitute guy"? Well, I started to talk myself into liking him. There were signs this wasn't the right decision: I didn't kiss him through four dates, little things he did annoyed me (like the way he laughed and the things he chose to laugh at), that I was describing him as not my typical type but so nice. I just wanted it to work. The timing seemed ideal and he really is a very nice guy. I almost settled. Instead, I pushed him away until he yelled uncle.

Thank goodness he did or I might have ended up content, but not really happy, or breaking up two years later. More importantly though, thank you universe for the wake up call. Here's a little reminder of what is important for me (my dealbreakers) for the next time I meet a guy I might like. Oh, and please feel free to kick me in the butt if you see me drifting off track again.

1. Attraction. I want to be thinking about him and really wanting to kiss him.

2. Personality. I want him to be flexible, have his own hobbies, be willing to try things I like, non-judgmental, somewhat liberal, creative, ambitious, intelligent, non-pretentious.

3. Readiness for the Ridiculousness that is Rita. I don't want games. I want to be able to call. I want a guy who is drawn to that, attracted to me, gets my sarcasm, is easy going, can laugh it off, and goes out of his way to do little things to show he cares.

Am I asking too much? Hopefully not. Because these are non-negotiable.

And in the 'metime'- I'll work on toning it down a little. Maybe easing him into the magical mystery tour of my being isn't such a bad idea. Ending things proactively when I know they aren't right is a pretty great commitment to make. My little present to myself. Happy belated Valentines, darling.

to-do-list-time... go away work!

Sometimes my 'me' time translates to my 'get-things-done-to-shrink-my-todo-list' time and it isn't always the most enjoyable way for me to spend my time or my weekend.

I had a Friday and Saturday full of work with some fun sprinkled in this weekend. It's not how I'd like things to be in an ideal world but no matter how much I pretend - I'll never live in that dream land. The to-do list will never stop mounting but it will ebb and flow with times of high and low volume.

In this high volume chapter I'm hibernating a bit and saying no to invitations for things I would like to do. My fun time is regimented and the balance is a little off kilter - but next week I should be able to reward myself with some much needed rest.

Birthdays and UnBirthdays

This year on my actual birthday I decided to wake up early and do some errands and take myself out for treats that I wouldn't normally splurge on. It was like the whole city was exploding with nice-ness for me. The bus seemed to be on my schedule and people in every direction were opening doors for me and giving out plenty of smiles.

Somewhere in this dream of a morning I realized that the only day in a year that is generally put aside for MEtime is your birthday. It's totally accepted for people to do as many nice things for themselves as they can. One day out of the year you reserve the right to treat yourself really well just because.

This blog is helping me put that old tradition on the shelf and bring the birthday nice-ness into the un-birthday days of the year. When you go out and do your normal day to day stuff with the smile and belief that you deserve the world - people respond in a very warm way.

- People treat you the way you treat yourself -

it's a vicious little game we play of not thinking we deserve the things we want out of life... this is my time for being demanding of myself for myself!

Purple Party defeats the Blizzard!

So this year I decided to celebrate my birthday with a fun and straight forward theme party - PURPLE - purple food, purple songs, purple clothes and of course purple drinks. So with Sangria flowing and music blasting I rang in My new year of 27 with a group of wonderful people.

I had no idea who would actually be able to come to my party b/c there was a huge snow storm in Pittsburgh the day before my party.. 2 solid feet of snow pretty much has shut down the city. No buses, no roads and sidewalks with snow up to your knees. To top it all off all the liquor stores were closed so I couldn't exactly offer my friends the beverages I wanted to.

But I was overwhelmed with warmth from my friends who were not only willing to walk to my house in the snow but they were also willing to bring the bits and pieces of alcohol scraps around their house to make a beverage co-op in my kitchen. My one friend carried two elaborate purple cakes more than a mile without letting one inch of icing be disturbed...People brought sweet little gifts and even a piece of art along with their generous booze donations... There was so much purple - clothes, ties, purple hair and purple eye make-up... it went way beyond any expectations.

A great reminder of how important it is to celebrate the friendships in your life by throwing a party of self-celebration-birthday-love.... Thank you universe for putting so many great people in my life!

Finding my religion

My niece is the coolest little being, a squishy ball of giggles. I am visiting North Carolina for her baptism, which makes me acutely aware of the absence of organized religion in my own life as of late. Elements of my Catholic upbringing are engrained in me, yielding both positive and negative impacts on my personality. But Catholism and I conflicted over social issues, so we parted as friends.

I want to design both a customized political party and a religion for myself. With politics, the nature of our government forces you to choose parties based on individual priorities. It is rare that anyone likes everything about one party, and yet she is forced to vote for the one that represents the issues that matter most to her in order to have her vote count.

We aren't mandated into those discrete areas with religion. While obvious to some, this realization was a long time coming for me. We have the right to choose whether to follow a particular religion and our choices will still have personal impact, even if we do not choose a popular party. If we so choose to follow, at least in Catholicism, we are asked to embrace all of the belief system. I will not disrespect the other members or myself by picking and choosing those elements that work for me and disregarding the rest.

I look back on my time in this religion with fondness. My childhood was built on this foundation and it was a great guide for me. I am grateful my niece will grow up with that moral structure. I marvel at her happiness and innocence and want a good place to keep that safe. Her baptism inspires me to explore my beliefs at a deeper level and start fresh and clean. I forgive myself for past mistakes and move forward, resolved to be a better person.

Me and the Museum

Realizing the reality of really having to plan and schedule in time for yourself...

Yesterday I had about an hour and a half before my next meeting and I was sitting in front of my computer thinking about what I should do. I had a to-do list in front of me - Nothing was urgent but I could work on various projects or start some reading assignments for the week.

But no I decided none of the things on my list were really important enough for my precious time. Instead, I chose to take a walk down the street and spend my hour in the art museum. It was a wonderful gift to myself - a quiet place to think, question the direction of my life and ask myself what is it exactly about art that makes me feel so dedicated to it.

In school I'm working so hard to learn what it takes to manage an arts organization, the skills and analysis tools that will push my path forward... but there's not a lot of time spent with the art itself. It has become an assumption that art is worth dedicating your life to. This is something that I still believe in - but it's great to sit back and check my priorities and passions and make sure I'm on the track I want to be on...

This moment of me time and introspection was brought to me by me for me!

Awareness and Perception

The 'me time' has been consumed by 'work time' this week, despite my best efforts. I did make it to see Ani DiFranco in concert (2nd row seats) but spent far too much time responding to work e-mails on my blackberry . I let a unique experience slip into the background to deal with issues that probably could have waited. And at the end, I realized this and really focused in and was amazed by her talent, passion, and ability to translate experiences into music. It was a set-back, but I am on track again now.

Speaking of getting on the right track- so Ms. Tirzah- you are diving into on-line dating? I completely relate to your assessment as to accepting this as a non-freak thing to do. A psychologist should do a study of the stages towards acceptance of this new means of meeting a mate. The vast majority of our time is spent communicating remotely rather than personally so on-line dating as an extension of that norm has certainly become more natural despite our urges to deny this.

While I have many experiences I could share here and insights, there is one in particular I think it would have helped me to have known when I was diving in. While much of online dating is 'different' to 'real world dating', perhaps the most profound yet intangible shift to me was that the tone of the meeting has already been set. The 'I just met a great guy but don't think I'd like to date him but do want to be friends' transition is more difficult to achieve because there is a presumption that you are in it for romance (or something kind of like it... hm... hm).

I was left wanting to create a service that connected people to new friends with no expectation of romance. Not a meetup.com group, but a friend match-up that is more personal and allows screening. Because at the end of the day, when I was gravitating toward online dating, it really was because I had a lack of single friends in my life who inspired me to leave my house and seize the city. There are times that I want to explore new things, be it exercise, travel, book clubs, cooking, etc. Some of these fit my current friends' interests and availability while others do not. I'd love to be able to interview new friends in the same way we interview these on-line dates. Hey, if the greek system works, why not this?

Enjoy the experience. Be open to it. And most importantly, don't let yourself ask 'I wonder what is wrong with him that he is online'...

Slices of goodness

Ah - Rita - I feel you on the need to squeeze in the MEtime into little windows in between the to-do list. I'm taking more classes than I'm used to this semester and have taken on quite a few big projects so it makes for a full juggling act throughout the day.

I have had slices of MEtime in between studying and projects the past few days... the slices include a yoga class, having some frozen chocolate chips, reading some literotica stories, taking a nap and geeking out with a newly discovered online dating site.

Weird how you can have it in your head that internet dating is disconnected from the real-world and a statement about the lack of human to human connections - and then - flip you can be inspired to change your mind. Thanks to the recommendation of a good friend I have flipped that switch. I bit the bullet and signed up - not thinking much of it. And then I got lots of messages and responses from interesting people in Pittsburgh that I would have never met otherwise. Maybe I should hold my judgment until after I've met people face to face and decide they're not total creeps - but for now it's fun!

I plan on meeting people and hanging out with interesting folks on my terms and becoming more comfortable with letting guys go when the chemistry just isn't there. May the adventure begin!