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Oh Rita! I'm so happy you're finding your escape in some messy mud/clay and discovering the silly walls that we set up around ourselves (the ones that need to be torn down). I haven't been indulging in my art/yoga time lately and I need to get back in that swing... it has an effect on me if I stay away for too long!
But in my fun little social experiment of internet dating - I think I had my most successful one yet. Not because of the sparks and fireworks that bounced off the stars but because it was simply a nice hour spent. We had a trade, I bought him a cup of fancy coffee and he fixed the tire on my bicycle. He owns a bike shop and is super savvy with that stuff and didn't mind helping me out... felt like a nice exchange for me. I don't know if I'll see him again or not. Honestly the fact that he hasn't followed up with a email/call/text makes me like him more than I would have otherwise - is that sick?
There's such a power game you play when you date guys - you want to feel like your feelings can dictate the direction of things to a certain degree. I don't want to fall into a situation where I'm with someone just b/c he's super into me but I haven't had time to process the way I feel about him. Does this make sense? It's like I want to be pursued just as much as I am pursuing... in search of the perfect amount of balance where we like each other the same amount. At the least he deserves a second shot - who knows how I'll feel then.
Onward and upward to the next social experiment!
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Rita - all your art time got me to crave some of my own. Feel so "stuck" having stayed in bed the last day or so with bronchitis but I think a little lap art might be necessary tonight as I watch a movie and relax.
ReplyDeleteTirzah - I know EXACTLY what you mean about wanting balance. I entered a relationship with a guy because he was so into and forward about how he felt (and my girlfriends thought it was a refreshing change from some of the other more stubborn guys I had dated). Well, needless to say it didn't work out. I ended up trying to convince myself i was into the relationship as much as he was, when I just wasn't. I ended up totally taking advantage of the situation and his feelings (being a sort of high-maintenance princess which is SOOOOO not like me just because I could) and feeling guilty about it. In the end I lost a really good friend. So, stick to your guns and look for that right match who balances you. :)
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ReplyDeleteI have been processing your blog for a day now because it spoke so well to the inner-debates in which I so frequently partake. Often, I need an objective third party (one who knows all of my quirks, nuances, family background, friend background, life story... did I say objective?) to step in and tell me if my feelings mean:
ReplyDeletea) I really like him
b) I'm drawn to the challenge of rejection
c) I'm drawn to the attention I believe he might give me
d) I'm drawn to the drama of not knowing the status and having something to talk about or
e) It's too early to tell
At the end of the thought process, the same wisdom that I once read in a self-help book (oh, yes I did read Mars and Venus books) sings loud and true. We should be dating three people at any given time. One on the way in, one we thinks has potential, and one we are pretty sure doesn't. It keeps us from becoming too vested in one person and keeps the feelings in perspective. In other words, it keeps our feelings focused on us, instead of them. After all, is what this silly little project of ours is all about? And, when one turns into 'the one', let the others drop away as friends.
If nothing else, this approach has a really good side effect. I suspect it would make women more hesitant to get physical prematurely thereby avoiding more confused emotions and that Jerry Springer moment of who's the baby daddy? Isn't life grand!