Home Improvement

On Wednesday, I am traveling to North Carolina to visit my niece and my family. There is a mountain of unfinished tasks to accomplish falling primarily in the dreaded area of housework. Today I plan to catch up but find a way to make it fun. One such plan is to incorporate my friend E into the day's plans with a trip to a local farmer's market. Another is to develop and blast a playlist of songs to frame my mind for the week ahead. Throughout the day, I'll enjoy new systems and brainstorm on ways to make my place more enjoyable in the days ahead. And at the end, I'll have a great space to enjoy when I return. Sounds like a plan to me.

Rule Schmules

I reconnected with two old friends this week and spontaneously planned a dinner. Over our meal, we exchanged stories about our NY experiences. It was interesting to hear three very different perspectives. T has been in the city since college, met her husband here, and considers it to be home. M is resisting NY after spending years abroad and going through a very difficult breakup. She is finding it difficult to meet new people. Me, I am still falling madly in love with my city, and feel defensive in protecting its image against M's criticisms. I vow to demonstrate at earliest opportunity just how fortunate we are to live in a city with so many windows with new people behind them promising chances at fresh starts every day.

The timing couldn't have played out better in a chick flick. Right then, a handsome man outside the restaurant window glances at me several times while on a call. As he finally went to walk away, I waved. He returned the greeting and gestured for me to join him outside. After a series of miming, he agreed to join us in the warmth of the trattoria. Convinced he knew me from somewhere, we explored those possibilities. I am confident he did not. Surely, I would remember such an interesting man. He is from Israel and has an incredible life story. One that makes me slightly uneasy and acutely aware of how little I know about current events and politics. One that is different from anyone I've ever met.

Toward the end of the evening, he handed me his contact information. He did not ask for mine, instead insisting that if I did not call him it would "break his heart". This led to a moment of conflict. I am a woman who has the concept of "he's just not that into you" beat into the fibers of my being. My old self would have clung vigorously to this philosophy despite that I did want to speak more with him. In the spirit of my new approach, I chose not to follow that path (although I do agree with its logic- although that is a separate blog entry for the future). Instead I shot him an e-mail, with my number, which simply stated that I'd like to see him before he left for his next trip. No excuses, no pretenses, just what I was feeling.

He got in touch the next day and we went for coffee (yes, the same day- it was open for me and I did not feel like playing games) and a walk. It was a bitter cold day but the conversation was interesting which distracted me from my stinging hands. At some point, I realized that despite his many good qualities, our cultural differences stood in the way of me feeling comfortable. So I gently ended the date.

Out of all of the changes I've made in my action packed month, ending the date on my terms felt the most rewarding. So many times, I've gone out with a man and seen red flags but proceeded against my better judgment. Instead, I listened to my instinct and feel confident that it was the right decision. I plan to introduce him to a friend with whom I think he may have a better connection. I would just hate to let a good single man go to waste on a stranger.

Follow a whim

So tonight when I was walking out of my late night class ready to hit the books - a friend of mine looks over to me and says - hey do you want to go swing dancing? In my head I was thinking about my weekend and how/where I could squeeze in an evening of dancing - but then he said - right now on the other side of campus - you should join me!

Um Yes! Dancing is something that I love but often don't carve out enough time for. But in the spirit of MEtime - I followed my instinct and pushed studying to the side so I could have a casual hour of dancing. Thank you MEtime! It was so great to remember what it's like to let your body follow the music and have that fun connection to another person.

Usually partner dances turn me off a little bit because there are so many rules to follow... It takes an element of fun out of it. But I decided not to get bogged down by what I don't know and just have fun in the moment... one of the better decisions I've made this week!

I'm not a prostitute!

I ended my date last night with those very words.

Did this man proposition me with money? No. Did he suggest something entirely inappropriate? No. Did he pay for my cab ride after treating me to a nice date? Embarrassingly, yes.

In my defense, I had two dirty martinis, some olives, and crackers for dinner. Add to that my biting sense of sarcasm and distrust of dating and you get a slightly tipsy Italian girl insulting a gentleman on a date. Oh my.

In my sober state this morning, I reflected as to why I felt so threatened by a man offering a genuinely kind gesture. At the time, my reaction was based on one of two theories with a common foundation of discomfort around nice men:

a. He thought I was too drunk to take the subway.
b. He thought I was too poor to pay for myself.

It turns out that neither were true. I know this because he e-mailed me today to explain he just wanted me to be safe.

Oh, and he also wants to take me out again.

Interesting article: "when chocolate meets chakras"

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/27/dining/27yoga.html?ref=style

Oh I just wanted to pass this on to all the MEtime lovers out there... Yoga+Foodie culture - I like both things but think this combo is out for some good ol'American shock value.

Seems like there's a way to have a more harmonious blend of yoga and great food without bacon and red wine...

Arrrt

So in my pursuit of MEtime - I have been thinking a lot about how it is so much easier and justify-able for me to spend time doing things/making things for others than it is to truly focus on myself. I haven't decided if this is necessarily a good or bad thing yet - but accepting it as my natural tendency. Basically by admitting this truth for my own life now and from here I'll look for some balance.

But I digress, as my small circle of reader/friends, you know I enjoy spending time making things - whether it be something to hang on the wall or something to eat - the act of creation makes me feel good.

I've attached my most recent creation - a painting that allowed some me-time in the process- but the product is a belated Christmas present for Rita. Long in the making - but you're getting two paintings from the love of one. Hard to photograph but hope it will remind you to let yourself unfold in whatever ways you may need - allow the drips to fall into your space and enjoy the surprises.

Feet

I think feet are an important but often ignored part of the body. To celebrate my feet and give them some much needed attention - I thanked them for all the hard work they do with a nice long foot massage.

Why don't I usually take the time to pause before I go to bed and give myself a foot rub? Well I haven't been living in the ME time - obviously. I've forgotten some of the smaller ways I can take care of myself... but not for long!

And - in response to Rita - I think you're just simply wonderful and I can't wait to get this blogging adventure off the ground. You wrote so many great things about how we need to frame our thoughts and minds as we approach the MEtime project!

Hello- it's Rita

I quit waiting.

I felt that life owed me something it because I'd demonstrated such a commitment to change when I moved to NYC alone a year and a 1/2 ago. My life was consumed by work, visitors from home, movies, and eating take out. Oh yes, and superficial efforts to appear to be working toward what I thought I really want: the relationship with that great guy.

I started justifying. Maybe, if I just lost weight, I would meet the guy. So I would focus on that.... for a while. I kept thinking... in the meantime, I could do this.

In my job, I assess opportunities and define strategy. I listen to all of the tactical ideas for marketing that people think are solutions. Then I consider what their true objectives are and I make a roadmap of getting them from one place to where they need to be using manageable tactics. In 2010, I decided to quit waiting and do the same to my life.

I sat back and thought about why I wanted those things so badly. The boyfriend? I'd like to have children and a support system but more than that I wanted a partner who, in some sense, complemented me. I'd been presented with plenty of opportunities to date many nice men since I'd moved here but none seemed right. In the meantime, I kept waiting for it to just come to me instead of working towards improving myself and enjoying the selfish me time that single people have the luxury of having. Most importantly, I realized that not only do I have time to find someone, but if I don't, I can do those things alone. I am capable- so long as I build that support system and confidence in myself.

Hence- my efforts here to focus on me. To build a business plan for myself to keep my true objectives in mind. To work toward being the happiest and healthiest person I can be with a good network of friends and family.

Thank you Tirzah for accompanying me on this journey and to those of you who read about our adventures for cheering us along on the way.

So it begins.

A moment of thanks

So I have over-loaded my plate. It is overflowing and I need to get a life vest to keep myself afloat.

Needless to say - it's a week where it isn't necessarily my first inclination to be living in the Me time... but I will!

Tonight as I was riding my bike home from my evening class, I stopped to appreciate the bridge. Having just moved from a very hilly part of town to a relatively flat commute - I was very thankful for my smooth bike ride. In this moment of thanks, I took the time to realize that without this bridge crossing over a deep valley I would not have it so good.

Bottom line - life is good - even when you think you've forgotten how to take time to breathe. Somehow there a bridge to carry you home.

Thank you bridge.

Yoga morning

Inspired by my new roomates new-years commitment to exercising, I woke up and rolled out my yoga mat in the living room and did an hour of yoga on my own.

It's a practice that I know will always make me feel better and more balanced - but for whatever reason it's hard for me to stay dedicated to it on a daily basis.

Today - woke up and got to the map - started out the day with a little zen by my side - thanks to Me time...

A simple no

So last week my treat to myself was saying no. I had carved out some time to work on a painting - and this is not such a simple thing to do. I was home with my family and surrounded by people I love, of course it's tempting to do things other than paint. Being with family and friends comes an easy sense of obligation or responsibility for me...perhaps I'm a natural care taker.

Anyways - this day in particular when my name was called from the kitchen to do an unknown favor or to be asked an unknown question - I simply responded with No. As in No I'm not here - No I'm not available - No to any other obligations - this was Me-time.

Perhaps it was a rude response - but honestly it was very liberating.

The Inspiration... the Start!

To ring in the new year, Rita and Tirzah have decided to take this idea of selfishness seriously. We started talking about how women spend way too much time focused on the relationships with men in our lives and not enough focused on ourselves. Why does being selfish have so many negative connotations? We're here to rescue the word "Selfish" from being lost in a sea of shame... We are going to claim our relationship with ourselves to make 2010 all about creating more MEtime.

How are we going to do this? Well, every week for the next year, we're both going to do three things for ourselves. Not for our friends, not for our boyfriends not for our family but completely for us - just because. And then we're going to write to You our lovely readers.

We hope you enjoy this shout out to selfishness and maybe are inspired to do a thing or two for yourself - why? because you deserve it!