Rule Schmules

I reconnected with two old friends this week and spontaneously planned a dinner. Over our meal, we exchanged stories about our NY experiences. It was interesting to hear three very different perspectives. T has been in the city since college, met her husband here, and considers it to be home. M is resisting NY after spending years abroad and going through a very difficult breakup. She is finding it difficult to meet new people. Me, I am still falling madly in love with my city, and feel defensive in protecting its image against M's criticisms. I vow to demonstrate at earliest opportunity just how fortunate we are to live in a city with so many windows with new people behind them promising chances at fresh starts every day.

The timing couldn't have played out better in a chick flick. Right then, a handsome man outside the restaurant window glances at me several times while on a call. As he finally went to walk away, I waved. He returned the greeting and gestured for me to join him outside. After a series of miming, he agreed to join us in the warmth of the trattoria. Convinced he knew me from somewhere, we explored those possibilities. I am confident he did not. Surely, I would remember such an interesting man. He is from Israel and has an incredible life story. One that makes me slightly uneasy and acutely aware of how little I know about current events and politics. One that is different from anyone I've ever met.

Toward the end of the evening, he handed me his contact information. He did not ask for mine, instead insisting that if I did not call him it would "break his heart". This led to a moment of conflict. I am a woman who has the concept of "he's just not that into you" beat into the fibers of my being. My old self would have clung vigorously to this philosophy despite that I did want to speak more with him. In the spirit of my new approach, I chose not to follow that path (although I do agree with its logic- although that is a separate blog entry for the future). Instead I shot him an e-mail, with my number, which simply stated that I'd like to see him before he left for his next trip. No excuses, no pretenses, just what I was feeling.

He got in touch the next day and we went for coffee (yes, the same day- it was open for me and I did not feel like playing games) and a walk. It was a bitter cold day but the conversation was interesting which distracted me from my stinging hands. At some point, I realized that despite his many good qualities, our cultural differences stood in the way of me feeling comfortable. So I gently ended the date.

Out of all of the changes I've made in my action packed month, ending the date on my terms felt the most rewarding. So many times, I've gone out with a man and seen red flags but proceeded against my better judgment. Instead, I listened to my instinct and feel confident that it was the right decision. I plan to introduce him to a friend with whom I think he may have a better connection. I would just hate to let a good single man go to waste on a stranger.