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Last night I hung out with my friend who's a PhD philosophy student. We talked about how Aristotle defines friendship into three categories - 1)Friends with a purpose (ex: networking) 2)Friends for pleasure (ex: friends with benefits) and 3) True friendship.
Thinking about this I'm realizing I've been experimenting with the many forms of friends for pleasure. It's something that I've never been comfortable with because I always wanted the emotional connection to go along with the physical bond. Maybe it's the catholic guilt in me that's kept me from having friendships for pleasure - or maybe it's my romantic notions. Whatever the reason I'm entering into previously unexplored territory and I'm seeking out relationships that fill a short term desire.
The men in my life lately have not inspired any great spiritual connection, but I've been able to have fun with them and let it end there. It's a difficult line to draw - strange to stop people from becoming 'real' relationships while keeping them at the friends-for-fun level.
I think this is a phase for me and not necessarily a pattern I plan on continuing for the long term, but it's been an interesting process. Like any new 'unexplored territory' I'm learning more about myself and the things I want from a partner.
Overall this limited connection is unsatisfying and soon I'll get bored and start to prefer being alone to having some immediate needs satisfied... but for now I'm trying to just enjoy... sometimes easier said than done!
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Tirz- I think this entry speaks volumes about a similarity we share. We are all or nothing women. We crave experiences and connections that impart a significant and sincere meaning. Even by electing to explore those 'friends with pleasure', your nature of really looking for some deeper expression of their role in your life comes through.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if this 'friend for pleasure' concept relates to the 'to have a friend, be a friend' philosophy of which the foundation is awareness of the limitations of others and recognition and acceptance of those 'flaws', with change in ones behavior to accommodate these circumstances. I've struggled with that for a long time. I am fine with the friends for networking and best with the true friendships but the challenge of the gap that is for pleasure is a barrier I chose not to overcome.
This preconception of people and unreasonable expectation may be part of the reason I am single. I want that whole package if I chose to be with someone else (in any capacity). The notion of pleasure in isolation of true companionship seems unrealistic to me because I believe I deserve more than that or else I'd like to be alone. I feel like I waste too much time thinking about who I am going to meet and if I keep on this course, I will look back (even if I do meet the most amazing man) and wonder what impact I could have made in the meantime. Often the distraction of simply craving company diverts me from this knowledge. Tonight, I feel a sense of clarity. And with that, I will curl up with my dog and call it a night.