Home of One

While a lot of my friends are building nests within their partners, I feel like I'm trying to build my nest in myself...


What will my nest look like? Right now I'm focused on where it will be - cities calling my name... but maybe I need to be thinking more about what I'll be doing once I get there.

Who knows how long I"ll be the only resident of my nest - but I'm trying to stay focused on the good stuff and keep my heart open to the things that fly by.

Me vs. Them (?)

Is it impossible to balance me time and family time when your family is going through a tough time? Some have said as much to me when I've been talking about moving back to my hometown. My gut reaction is to ignore these warnings and move back to Nashville anyways. But then again perhaps I'm being hasty.

Balance has always been something I've been very aware of and made a conscious effort to create a balanced life for myself.

What is it about home that is so appealing? Comfort and support - lots of unquestioned relationships in your life. I'm going to spend a little bit more time developing my job search and make sure I"m not turning my back on any promising possibilities.

What are the things that are capable of throwing you off kilter in this balance game of life?

A lot of me time lately

I've been in London for a little over 2 weeks. Never have I had so much time alone.  I've started to get a taste of what life would be like alone. I mean really alone, not single alone.  Up until a few days ago, there was no TV, no internet, no friends, no phone. Just my books, my job, and myself.  What started out as a welcome break soon became a reality, an intimidating one at that. But I'm learning and this is good.

I'm learning I'm physically strong. For example, when someone offered me a television and I had no way to get it home, I figured it out. I called the cab, I carried it up stairs by myself, I put it together, lifted it on the stand, and settled down in front of it with a sigh of relief and satisfaction. 

I'm learning I can provide for myself. When I discovered that no restaurants delivered in my area at lunch time, I got off my lazy butt and made a day trip to Greenwich. There I scored some decent food, beautiful scenary, cheap books (I still prefer them to tv, which was a great reminder), and a new jacket.  All because I ventured out. On my own.

I'm learning to read a map.  Seriously, you have to in order to live here. I missed the grid of NYC at first but am starting to relish in discovering how to navigate the city.  It turns out I am not as directionally challenged as I thought, I just hadn't had to try because I always had a friend to ask.

While all this lessons are valuable, they aren't as great without friends to share them with.  My most important observation to date is that being single isn't what we should be worried about. With friends, life is sweet. Even without, it is on our own terms and a quest in search of finding them and ourselves.

Forces of attraction leave me searching for more

Physical vs. Emotional attraction... it's been a dilemma for me in my dating blunders. When I have a really cosmic strong connection in one of these two arenas the other side always seems to be lacking. I wish I didn't need a solid balance of both but I do!

Recently a friend, who I think is truly wonderful, started asking me out on dates. Sometimes these situations are great and lead to nice relationships - but in this case I couldn't switch my friend gear. The physical attraction is simply not there for me and I don't think I can really do anything about it. It's frustrating to find a spirit that I connect with and have to walk away.

My frustration with this situation makes me think of one of my favorite Savage Love sayings - "every relationship you're in is the wrong one - until it's not"

There's a reason all my relationships up until now haven't been the right one - I'm learning patience and spending the time I need to learn and love my MEtime self. Patience is never easy but I think keeping high standards are always worth it!

On the positive side, I called my friend out on his change of tune and told him I was thankful for our friendship and wanted to keep things as such. He quickly responded to my email with a cheerful, complementary acceptance of my wishes and I think we'll be able to hang out again soon... oh the wonderful things you can say over email that seem too big and difficult to say in 'real' life...

A little me time

I can't even compete with Tirzah's last post. It left me blushing. Fret not sweet adventurous feminist cousin, if a man had posted the same, I'd be just as red.

But I digress. I moved to London 4 days ago. Amidst the chaos of settling into my new place and jumping right into work, I've been spending time alone. I mean really alone. No TV, no Internet, no friends, no company at restaurants.  If you had asked me a week ago how I would handle that, I would have turned green.  Yet I surprised myself. I'm enjoying it.

I'm reading again and organizing. My mind wanders and I'm starting to write like I used to.   Things seem a bit sharper and clearer.   This change is good.

Let your flower bloom....

My friend did an art show all about the things you wear that make women feel powerful... very nice interviews and interesting statements. I've been thinking lately - what are the Things I Do that make me feel powerful?

In this past year, there is a long list of the things I do that give me strength. But for this blog entry, I want to focus on the fun and importance of jilling off or watering your own flower. It's amazing to know how to get yourself off and I know that it makes me a 10x better lover for others. It's pretty liberating and amazing to know that you can take care of yourself in this way. For some reason the topic is taboo and women aren't supposed to explore their abilities in this arena at all.

Somehow our culture has evolved to allow men open discussion of their sexual needs and supports them taking care of their own needs when need be. For women however, we pretend they don't have the same needs or at least should be quiet about it. We need to let go of some of our puritan past and embrace getting to know our bodies as well as we can - we only get one round!