Not too far from the tree- my mother, myself

My mother is a dynamic being, a presence that takes over the room. Spending the last few days with her has given me pause for reflection. I love observing her and spending time with her. She is engaging and animated, opinionated and impulsive. Her attention flickers from one thing to another. Someone recently told me that when we criticize others, it is usually a reflection of what we don't like in ourselves. I get irritated with myself for picking on her and being quick to judge her and the truth of that statement is all the more apparent. Those things for which I judge are the very things I dislike about myself- the foot in mouth syndrome, the wasting of time, the impulsiveness, the outspokenness... all things I can control and change with a little effort and consciousness.

This blog is a gesture of appreciation of the fabulousness that is my mother. She is kind, outgoing, spontaneous and generous. She is stunning and a friend to me. If she occasionally speaks her mind too much or gets a little bored with the mundane... I chose to forgive her (and myself) and focus on the positive in both of us. I'm thankful for them both and grateful for every minute I get with them...to wonderful parents!

Alone without the lonely...

If I am not concerned for myself, who will be for me?
But if I am only concerned for myself, what good am I?
And if now is not the time to act, when will it be?
- Hillel

Trying to keep the spirit of this quote alive as I soak in my life in Pittsburgh... I had a surprisingly low key weekend. Full of studying and exercising... and a lot of quiet alone-time. I can't remember the last weekend I've spent so much time by myself. It's both great and reality-jolting at the same time.

I have these glorified memories of what it was like to live on my own when I was in Albuquerque. My mess was mine completely and my social time happened when I planned it and quiet time was more of a norm.

I think I forgot how much self-analysis happens when you're alone. It's good to have the time to think and it's important to balance it out with time spent with friends... Oh the constant balance game we humans play!

Ask - and see what happens...

A couple times this week I've tried a new approach to situations. Instead of playing peace keeper and crowd pleaser - I've been asking for exactly what I want. I Stopped playing silly games of being shy in the face of uncomfortable situations where I could easily get frustrated with people's lack of intuition. I usually drop social clues and hope people pick up on them.

When I sit back and realize that I already know what I want to happen - it's magic. Grow a pair of ovaries and ask for what may seem taboo. What happens? Well, this week - you get what you want!

Just like I feel uncomfortable speaking up and asking - other people usually feel even more awkward about saying no. Oh humans and all their complexities!

Three cheers for being bold, asking for what you want - and then claiming your prize!

Snatch a Blast and a Match

In the spirit of adventure, I've been treating myself to new experiences in the wee hours left after work. Some recent (and upcoming) affordable explorations include:

• Taking a weekly hip hop class with my friend J (www.lifebooker.com- check out new daily loot- I scored these for around 12 dollars a class).
• Trying out pilates (6.50 a class!), circus class, and silk trapezing with my friend G (Got these through lifebooker and groupon).
• Partaking in a variety of activities through a gym membership at the 92Y (I think this was a groupon- 20 for a month membership).
• Treating my body to some mani/pedi time and a massage (25tuesdays.com- $25 dollars- hooray!)

On the not as cheap side, I'm also trying new restaurants and bars (some faves include Frank, Gotham Bar & Grill, and Campbell Apartment). Some of these have been experienced on dates. Yes dates. In terms of personal development, I feel like I have the friend and family aspect in a very solid place and my own perception of me is stronger than ever- so it might just be the right time for the man addition.

I'm approaching finding this fantastic fellow with an open mind: whether it be online, at a bar, in a class, through a friend, or dare I say... through a matchmaker. Yes, I said matchmaker- in keeping true with the NY experience, I've scheduled an interview with one I read about in Time Out New York- VIP. I'm drawn to the idea of a personal customized match but am hoping this doesn't turn out to be a breeding ground for guys who want a gold digger or trophey. This might just be my biggest adventure (or disaster) yet.

yes she can

Today I got a little handy. It was my first day on my own in almost 2 weeks (oh, how i miss my cousin Tirzah). I was acutely aware of the empty space and silence in my apartment. It was comfortable yet daunting. It seemed appropriate to tackle an obstacle head on and address the new found void.

I bought a shelf 4 months ago and it has been sitting in my corner, just waiting for my future boyfriend to hang it. I grasped the drill today and yelled enough. I am now laying under said shelf (which will probably be the death of me as the candles come crashing down) and feeling a true sense of pride (and fear). Next time, maybe it won't slant down and it will be more steady. Then again, looking at my curtain rod, I doubt that. But at least I can try and if nothing else, laugh a little at myself. It is a good reminder that I am capable and enjoy the projects that being single present.

My imaginary universe

I forgot what it was like to read a book just for fun.

And then I remembered - it's wonderful!

As I'm surrounded by dense text heavy required readings for classes, I've let the 'ME books' get pushed to the side. In my week off from classes I took the opportunity to soak in the last half of a book I started months ago... Barbara Kingsolver's Lacuna - great escape book! Telling the story of a young boy growing up between Mexico and the US with Frida Kahlo and Leon Trotsky as role models - a fun way to be immersed in the twists and turns of history.

Reading a "just because" book has an internal focus. It forces you to sit in a quiet space and create an alternate universe that only exists in the space between the pages and your imagination. When I put this into words it sounds so simple and obvious - but it's a luxury 'literary-universe' that I have neglected and I'm thankful that I found it again!

Building enriching relationships for the long haul

I almost had a whole week of MeTime in New York with the wonderful Ms. Rita. I spent my spring break investigating work/art job options in New York while hanging out with friends and family. It was a lovely, jammed packed few days full of good food, great art, laughter and amazing people. It's so important to remember how lucky we are to have people of substance in our lives and spend time valuing these relationships instead of letting them slip into the 'taken for granted'.

While soaking up time with people I love, I was working to build new friendships with arts management alumni who are working in New York. The process of finding a job can be so daunting and overwhelming - but ultimately comes down to knowing the right people.

Instead of the traditional internet research/job fair route, I'm approaching my career options holistically from a people-centric perspective. Good people lead me to other good people - and the cycle continues...

It's refreshing to feel like the simple connection between people who went to the same university can bring such a supportive and warm relationship. Even when the people I spoke to were in careers that are not at all along the same path as mine, they were interested in engaged in my ideas and plans for the future.

When you want to see gold in life - goodness surfaces...