Pushing people away by accident?

So the other night, I decided I needed to go out dancing - there were tentative plans to meet up with a girlfriend but nothing was solid. I decided to go on my own and see what's what. Ended up not meeting up with my friend - but instead jumped into a circle for colleagues I knew from school.

Anyways - all this means that I was in a dance club kind of on my own... a new slightly weird experience. On the dance floor I started letting loose, closing my eyes and moving to the music - letting go of stressful thoughts and being present with the movements and beats. It felt good!

Being on my own allowed me to look at the social dynamics on the dance floor in a new light... Saw this one girl just consume this guy with flirtatious looks - like she knew what she wanted and then she went and made him dance with only her. It was pretty impressive honestly - even though it was overwhelming to witness. When a shy guy was trying to come up to me - I waited for him to be direct and show his interest. I didn't want to play the role of the seductress - I wanted to be seduced... Since he wasn't brave enough to actually look me in the eye and get closer with movements - I stayed in my world of one and pretended I didn't notice his attempts of getting closer.

It wasn't until I got home that I realized I pushed away a possibly a-okay guy for no real reason. I essentially built up this wall around myself and didn't let this guy in because he wasn't willing to put himself out there. I expect a lot from my partner - evidently, bravery is right at the entrance of my expectations. Should I try to explore ways to become the decisive woman on the pursuit? Should I follow the 'He's Just Not That Into You' approach of letting a guy be the one who should know what he wants and showing it? It's a tricky game with no real answers...

Readers - if you're out there - I'd love to see you weigh in with your opinion!

Me

I too have been doing a lot of reflecting about me time.  I've come to realize I don't necessarily always know how to make myself feel really good.  With that in mind, I'm noting things that do.The experience of living in London has definitely allowed for some change and reflection. The main things I've taken away is 1) I often give people the reaction they want at the expense of what I want or should do.  I hate to make others feel bad by saying no so I say yes and then feel drained after exhausting myself by running myself too thin. I was more aware of it here because I got accustomed to doing things on my terms, feeling rested, etc.  When a visitor arrived, my balance was off-set. I would lose sense of all that and respond.  I'm working on it because being well-rested and drama free is good for me and I enjoy it. 2) YET I need a good kick in the ass to get moving.  While spending time alone has been great, I've wasted time sleeping and resting when I should be getting motivated to explore.  I've learned doing things with someone who is interested in the same sort of things makes me feel good. I want to surround myself with those people 3) Bettering my mind is important to me. I'm starting to care about what is going on in the world. I want to be informed and able to contribute and have opinions about more relevant things 4) When I get back to NY, I want to get involved in volunteering at a charity. I recently had an experience of trying to connect a baby in need with a receptive hospital.  It changed me. I want to do more of that.

So maybe it is a good experiment because the reflection has been so valuable.  Even as I write, I see the barriers to my happiness really lie mainly in my actions and responses more than others.  Recognizing that and changing it will be the greatest me investment I've ever made.