I better put a ring on it

A few months ago, I had noticed, much to my dismay and embarrassment, that photos of women flashing their engagement rings were leading to tummy aches on my part. Being egotistical and of a certain age (oh dear 30, how you loom), I felt pressure, despair (why not me?), confusion, guilt (for not thinking of her first), and then ultimately, realization- her situation is different than mine- happiness (and then hope- of course it came back to me)!

To avoid repeating this cycle, I took matters into my own hands. Literally. I bought myself a ring. For those same months I had been struggling with jealousy, I'd also been pining over a really unique ring at an antique store. I daydreamed about describing my love of this ring to the great guy - you know, the one who would pick it up and pretend it had been sold, only to surprise me with it when I had a bad day.

Then it struck me. I'm single. I don't have kids. I don't have a boyfriend for whom to buy presents. I don't drink or spend money frivolously. Don't, don't, don't... yet perspective is everything. This all makes it possible to do.

I do work hard. I do love this ring. I did get it. Because I do love myself and do believe I deserve it because it captures that moment where I realized I can provide for myself and change my circumstance- even if it is in a unconventional manner.

So flash your bling ladies. I get it now- it's a reminder of the moment you received it. Hopefully you, like me, will realize- you don't have to wait for someone else to make that moment happen.

The Splendor of Spring

Spring time is a beautiful whirlwind of change... There's something special in the air that opens people up to lovie thoughts giving romance a special place in the spring. There's also the tornado of life changes that seems to whirl down and catch me by surprise. In a few short weeks I'll be finished with school and on my way to creating the next phase of my life. Job searching - city dreaming - people lovin - it's all happening in the spring.

Tonight to celebrate the whirlwind of change I'll be going to an outlandish party with a troupe of costumed friends. The theme? mustaches - hot pants and suspenders... or we'll be dressing up as 'classy' gentlemen. I'm sure it'll be fantastically crazy and full of great dancing. Good people in good costumes make the world a brighter place!

Spring is also about letting go of the winter ho-hum. Like a snake shedding its skin I decided to let go of settling on a boy who was just okay. It feels great to make a decision to take care of myself and remember that I'm worth more than just okay - even if it means being on my own for longer I like myself so it shouldn't be all that bad. Just started dating a new guy and things are really unfolding nicely so far... spring brings so many treats!

Letting my bicycle bring me peace...

This weekend I set out to go on a 50 mile bike ride with my friends. Been fine-tuning my bike and getting those ridiculous shorts out from storage. Unfortunately, when the day came, it was rainy and cold. We decided to push through and do the ride anyways (a group of about 20+ bikers).

I really enjoyed riding through the rolling hills of PA and seeing the big barns, farms and cows. The air was a new kind of fresh and the landscape was quiet with buds waiting to bloom. My team of 4 bikers were refreshing and we sang odd songs as we flew down hill...

I didn't end up doing the whole route of 50 miles but stopped at about 20... decided not to feel bad about myself for stopping short but instead remember that the reason I decided to bike the route was to have fun. I did indeed have fun and it didn't take the full 50 miles to have something I could feel proud of. It feels really good to be able to listen to your body and know where to draw your limits.

in a funky state of mind

Today I spent my whole day in bed. I've spent almost every night at home for the past 2 weeks. I'm confessing this, despite it being contrary to the intention of this blog. By owning up, I'm committing to changing this downward trend.

Niko, my dog, is back. On the one hand, this is wonderful. I love his company and he is adorable. He's been with me for 7 years but stayed with my parents for several months when my work schedule got out of control. With him being back, my hours are becoming more manageable actually. It forces me to leave and to sign back online from home. This is much more preferable than living in my office. On the other hand, I've used it as an excuse to not be social. I need to be here with him after I've left him alone all day. The weather hasn't been great. We eat here, I watch hours of SVU while working, and then I go to bed. Tonight I watched an episode where there was a loving couple and I realized, if I don't get out of my house, that isn't going to happen for me.

So tomorrow, I commit to getting back on track. Create balance. Wake up at a decent hour. Straighten up. Take Niko to Central Park. Drop him off at home. Go for a bike ride. Grab dinner with a friend. Walk him again. Be thankful to living in this city and able to have a wonderful pet like Niko. I'll have more adventures to write about in the me time. I promise.

Gaga Gala...

Last night I volunteered for a fancy schmancy fundraiser for an arts organization in town. As much as I enjoy a fun gala I have to admit events like this are the things that make me question the future of the arts...

A whole bunch of people living in the clouds with their mountains of money... mostly white, old and eccentric people. These people are the funding backbone of many arts organizations in the US. I should be thanking them for choosing to spend their money on the arts. I should be okay with the reality of kissing their butts as an accepted and expected activity - but I'm not.

It's just groups like that one that turn the arts into an event for the rich. It makes the work a status symbol and it leaves me with a gross feeling.

Art should be a fundamental form of expression for anyone who is interested...

Maybe just another psychological hurdle that I need to jump over and recognize as a fundamental truth. It would never be a realistic option for people to have careers as artists if it weren't for wealthy patrons. There is often an unfortunate attitude that goes along with the funding - and maybe it's worth ignoring... but I still don't have to like it.

Scaling Walls - both real and imaginary

I feel so mighty today!

I've been going on morning jogs with my lovely running partner and it's making a big difference in my happiness points and generally helping me feel good about life.

But running aside - today I scaled a wall I thought was impossible to climb before! I was in a hurry to skip-ska-daddle out of my apartment to get to the lovely cooking class I've been looking forward to for months. I packed up my apron, ipod and sun glasses and ran out of the house to get there early - only forgetting my keys were sitting on the kitchen table with the door locked behind me. I sat on the steps feeling a bit defeated - called the landlord to get some help - then I realized if I did some circus maneuvering I could climb into my window. With my cowgirl boots off and to the side and my dress only slightly limiting my motion - I was an unstoppable force climbing my brick wall in the rain. After two different approach strategies - I made it to the window, opened the screen and wedged myself in! Thankfully there were no spectators and only a slightly skimmed knee to show for it.

It's doing something small that you thought was impossible that makes you realize you're capable of a lot more than you give yourself credit for...

My nice thing for myself today - it's to break down the invisible walls of impossible. I Stop letting my false barriers keep me back and I'm starting to push myself up up up and beyond!