Pushing people away by accident?

So the other night, I decided I needed to go out dancing - there were tentative plans to meet up with a girlfriend but nothing was solid. I decided to go on my own and see what's what. Ended up not meeting up with my friend - but instead jumped into a circle for colleagues I knew from school.

Anyways - all this means that I was in a dance club kind of on my own... a new slightly weird experience. On the dance floor I started letting loose, closing my eyes and moving to the music - letting go of stressful thoughts and being present with the movements and beats. It felt good!

Being on my own allowed me to look at the social dynamics on the dance floor in a new light... Saw this one girl just consume this guy with flirtatious looks - like she knew what she wanted and then she went and made him dance with only her. It was pretty impressive honestly - even though it was overwhelming to witness. When a shy guy was trying to come up to me - I waited for him to be direct and show his interest. I didn't want to play the role of the seductress - I wanted to be seduced... Since he wasn't brave enough to actually look me in the eye and get closer with movements - I stayed in my world of one and pretended I didn't notice his attempts of getting closer.

It wasn't until I got home that I realized I pushed away a possibly a-okay guy for no real reason. I essentially built up this wall around myself and didn't let this guy in because he wasn't willing to put himself out there. I expect a lot from my partner - evidently, bravery is right at the entrance of my expectations. Should I try to explore ways to become the decisive woman on the pursuit? Should I follow the 'He's Just Not That Into You' approach of letting a guy be the one who should know what he wants and showing it? It's a tricky game with no real answers...

Readers - if you're out there - I'd love to see you weigh in with your opinion!

Me

I too have been doing a lot of reflecting about me time.  I've come to realize I don't necessarily always know how to make myself feel really good.  With that in mind, I'm noting things that do.The experience of living in London has definitely allowed for some change and reflection. The main things I've taken away is 1) I often give people the reaction they want at the expense of what I want or should do.  I hate to make others feel bad by saying no so I say yes and then feel drained after exhausting myself by running myself too thin. I was more aware of it here because I got accustomed to doing things on my terms, feeling rested, etc.  When a visitor arrived, my balance was off-set. I would lose sense of all that and respond.  I'm working on it because being well-rested and drama free is good for me and I enjoy it. 2) YET I need a good kick in the ass to get moving.  While spending time alone has been great, I've wasted time sleeping and resting when I should be getting motivated to explore.  I've learned doing things with someone who is interested in the same sort of things makes me feel good. I want to surround myself with those people 3) Bettering my mind is important to me. I'm starting to care about what is going on in the world. I want to be informed and able to contribute and have opinions about more relevant things 4) When I get back to NY, I want to get involved in volunteering at a charity. I recently had an experience of trying to connect a baby in need with a receptive hospital.  It changed me. I want to do more of that.

So maybe it is a good experiment because the reflection has been so valuable.  Even as I write, I see the barriers to my happiness really lie mainly in my actions and responses more than others.  Recognizing that and changing it will be the greatest me investment I've ever made.

Creative Juices

I need to start making art again.

I'm feeling the itch - spending most of my time supporting other artists only gets me so far and now I need to create something for me.

It's 10x easier to create things for others. In my life or my art - external motivators are always the most potent.

What type of work should I make? What thoughts do I want to surface above the rest? Not really questions anyone else can answer - but I'm officially accepting suggestions!

New Years check in

The end of the calendar year is always a time for reflection. For this moment, I’m looking back on the beginning of this blog and where we’ve come since our new years commitment. We wanted to write stories about what it means to take time for ourselves. Reclaiming the word selfish and taking pride in decisions that follow our gut while treating Me time as an almost sacred practice.

I can’t say I’ve stayed true to the original mission of this blog - - what it has been is an opportunity to reflect on the things that affect my life and the reality which is being a late 20 something woman.

Lots of entries have been focused on men, relationships and the difference between our connection to others and the connection to ourselves. The priorities we set for our time and the relationships we choose to cultivate. But the question that comes to mind for me now is – Am I really consciously focused on honoring my Me time?

Alone time and Me time aren’t necessarily interchangeable. I’ve spent more time on my own these past few months but I haven’t exactly been indulging myself in any special way. Things get so wrapped up with work and the new business I’m trying to launch, it’s easy to get wrapped up in external stuff. This is the stuff that’s easy focus on because it’s tangible and immediate. Me time is letting yourself take a step back from the easy time commitments.

So now, I’m going to raise my glass to myself! Cheers to my blog reading friends locally, nationally and internationally, people of all ages, genders and realities – cheers to you & cheers to remembering the importance of becoming a better person and raise our standards of quality!

5 things

This weekend, I reconnected with a friend who somehow slipped through the cracks. A friend who I adore but have lost touch with until recently - how great!

Anyways we talked about the concept of 5 things - A new one for me. The theory goes that you can only be good at a maximum of 5 things at a time. As soon as we get carried away and try to do more than 5 things really well - the other things suffer and we start spreading our talents too thin.

This concept inspired my friend to really think about his 5 things and embarked on a 6 month sex-fast where he worked on becoming a better human being. It's experiences like this that make us realize how much control we actually have over our own happiness. Right after this intense period of focus - he fell in love for the first time in his life - beautiful right?

I think my 5 things would be: to be a loving friend, to be a supportive family member, to be an independent thinker, to share my creativity generously, and to constantly explore my capacity for spirituality.

What are your 5 things?